Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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