I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
