You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Who died my cat blue again?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
