why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
