Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
