dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
