So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
