ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
