Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
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Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
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fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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