If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
