I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize