When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
