Im at strip club and am horny
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
