we're blogging at a bar
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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