When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
