He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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