Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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