I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
