im about as happy as oj after his trial
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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