That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
