I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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