tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
