My pussy is not your playground.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
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Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
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Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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