I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
