I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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