I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
