Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
