At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
