Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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