i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize