at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
