Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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