He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
