He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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