party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
