I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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