Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
