she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
ttyl tear gas
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
