So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
