when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
