Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
