walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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