some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
