the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
