Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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