So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
