i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I could fuck to npr.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
