yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
