I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
