OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
