his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
