i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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