Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
