No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she peed on how many people?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
