this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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