I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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