He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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