3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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