so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
