We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Randomize
