dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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