Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
