Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
