would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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