maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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