If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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