Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
