DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I wish I only lived at night.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
