It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just had sex on a roof
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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